making babies...

...come out painlessly. not that its come up often, or really ever... but if i ever needed a wrestling name, i would totally be 'the epiduralizer'. ladies of america, embrace modern medicine. here is a gift from me to you: the epidural. yes, women have squeezed out babies for gazillions of years without epidurals, but you know what, they f-ing hated it. have you seen a vagina? have you seen a baby's head? you know those shape games where babies play with a circle shape and try to shove it through a triangle hole until they learn better that it just doesnt work....that is what a vagina and baby are. triangle, circle. and some of you are having some huge circles. huge. ladies, you have embraced the modern medicine to get one or two, or octomom 8 in there, embrace the medicine to get it out. give your uterus a break. it has been through so much already. like my esteemed colleague said, if i had to push a baby out of my penis, goddammit im getting me some narcotics. the second im pregnant (sorry mom, not pregnant, no illegitimate grandbabies from me), im getting an epidural. i will walk around 9 months with that thing in my back. i will never know pain. take it from the professional baby makers, none of whom read my blog. but let me tell you, the chassids of nyc know how to have a baby. epidural as soon as they walk in. requested. dont talk to me unless you are the anesthesiologist. and while their 8th baby could probably fall out on its own and bake a challah, they get their epidural. because they know better. and i respect that. mazel tov, amen. ob to pt while in csection: "this big baby would never have come out your little vagina"