mind your own beeswax

ive learned several lessons in medical school. life lessons. like make sure to empty your scrub pockets before you dump because you wouldnt want to, for example, throw your glasses away and then have to search through dirty scrubs feeling in every pocket while the laundry man simultaneously judged your life. just to name one. so i was imparting my wisdom to my friend in the locker room when some woman comes out and is like, 'what is your problem?' i was like, 'excuse me?'
NP (nosy person): that is gross
me: i know, I'll never make that mistake again
NP: you could get MRSA
me: i probably already have MRSA. first thing i want if i ever come to the hospital is a nasal swab and a private room.
NP: you arent cindy crawford, if you were you wouldnt be here. you should just wear your glasses.
me: i know im not cindy crawford, but i dont need my glasses all the time. they make me dizzy up close.
NP: god, how old are you anyways?
me: old enough to make my own decisions.
NP: i would have just let those glasses go. i have 13 pairs all different colors to match my outfits (procedes to show me lavendar glasses to match her lavendar scrub hat. i now have a visceral reaction to the color lavendar).
me: well, i have 2 pairs, and they were expensive and i dont want to pay to replace them
NP: how much were they? let me see.
me: a couple hundred. (i show her the glasses)
NP: oh those arent worth it, i would have thrown those away.
im sorry if i dont have the money to throw away glasses worth several hundred dollars. i can barely afford the coffee that i just bought which is giving me the cerebral clarity to hold myself back from lashing out at you. next time, mind your own beeswax.